The sounds of music have played a major part in my life. As a child, I recorded songs from the radio onto cassettes, creating my own playlists. When the Walkman became popular (and I finally got one) I burned through batteries!
“Islands in the Stream” will be an all time favorite of mine. (Everyone hated how I sang along to it over and over and over and over…) I am not ashamed to admit this to you.
Since my last personal encounter with Him which culminated in an explosive end to a heavy, committed, passionate, serious, full of growth, and unstable 4-year (give or take but likely less if you ask Him) relationship – I’ve been unable to press play.
Silence, sounds and feels different. I am unable to explain just how. The head trauma I experienced a weeks ago resulted in a concussion. My senses are not the same. I am notably different. Sounds I hear are louder: voices, sirens, laughter… if there is too much stimulation in my environment I get a weird kinda’ dizzy feeling. A headache follows and a sorta’ watery sensation in my head. I am aware the brain has no nerve endings and to say that I can feel my brain flip around or even slosh around inside my skull is unreal, and yet, that is what I experience.
To get back to the lack of music in my life…every song I want to play I feel repulsed by. Almost like a satiated feeling, like too much of something suddenly is a turn-off. Silence is still unbearable to me so I have to fill it with something. I stream random shows in the background of which I pay no attention to. Just last week I started again to listen to NPR podcasts in the morning while I work to establish a new morning routine. I spent 2-weeks without news after the night it happened. Can’t say this is too terribly interesting to many readers, but, if you’ve read this far…do you know much on the topic of concussions and sound effects?
I’m curious if things will change for me. Will my joy of singing return? Will my new normal consist of an uncomfortable silence that weighs on my brain? I’m not sure where to look to find these answers or even if there are any. Should you know of anything, will you let me know?
Not sure how many more of these ‘the personals‘ category posts there will be. I will continue to work on poetry and publish when I can. I have a few dark ones I’m holding onto for the moment. Saving my brain power for the few hours I work during the week.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me (not so much to Him).